How do I potty train a child that is reluctant to go into the toilet or potty? I am at my wits end I have tried stickers star charts, special treats if he does anything on the potty. Every trick I have tried. He isn’t as developed as other children his age - he still talks babyish and I wonder if that is the underlying reason that I am having trouble? I have arranged a meeting with my health visitor but I really would welcome any advice that you have for me.

A Thank you for your question and I can understand your worries. I think that it is good that you have contacted your Health Visitor because she will be able to check your child’s development and make a referral if necessary.

Speech Therapists are also excellent at picking up problems other than speech and can also make referrals if it is appropriate. Your child’s speech problem may not be helping because if he has difficulty communicating he will know this and will not feel very confident.

I do not think that star charts work for children like this because it emphasizes the failure especially if they do not get any stars. Your child may not understand but he may also be afraid like many other children of the toilet and potty.

Many children are afraid because they do not understand what it is all about and can also be afraid of the toilet because they have wonderful imaginations and they may see the toilet as one big hole in which they could fall into and be flushed away by the water.

The best approach to take is to first of all adopt a calm attitude. This is important because when parents are tense the child may become anxious, so try to take a step back and try to stay calm and relaxed.

• The first step would be to find out how much he understands and work on his fears if that is part of the reason. There are lots of books for children about potty training. The one that I particularly like is ‘How Your Body Works’ by Judy Hindley, Christopher Rawson & Colin King. Published by Usborne. Cost £4.79 and available from www.amazon.com. It has wonderful illustrations about the body and how & why it functions the way it does which is good for getting children interested. You could request this book from your library if you do not wish to purchase them.
• Another idea that works for some children is to talk about Mummy and Daddy going to the toilet. If you have a pet you could also talk about how the cat or dog does the toilet. Remember not to go over the top because that might put him off further. Two or three times a week will be enough.
• The next task is to begin by establishing sitting on the potty with the nappy on loosely to begin with. Try this after meals to begin with.
• Having special toys to play with while sitting on the potty can work well or you might like to consider the Fisher Price Royal Potty which offers musical reinforcement when the child sits on it. It can also be used on a toilet seat which gives the older child a choice and a story book is included in the box at the cost of £16.99 if you purchase off the internet.
• Allow your child to sit for 20 minutes at a time. Praise him for every attempt, even if he stands beside it or touches it or sits on it for a second.
• Tell him stories about your potty training experience and be sensitive to his feelings.
• Check the family history about potty training because delay in toilet training could be a family trait and he may not be ready yet but that should not stop you establishing the sitting.

health visitor

back to faq's - Toilet Training