I am worried about my son because he is oversensitive and every time I tell him off for being naughty he gets very withdrawn, closes his eyes as if to say ‘I cant take this’. How can I discipline him without ruining his self-esteem?

A All children need boundaries and limits whatever their temperament. The first thing to do is to make sure he knows what the boundaries and limits are and what the consequences are if these are not kept. Say what you want and need and be consistent. Speak in a calm voice. Look at the behaviour not the child and say what you feel about the behaviour that way you are not attacking him personally. Say things like “ I am not happy about that because and I am asking you not to do that again”. This is called an “I” message and is never a put-down. Don’t use the word bad or call him a bad boy because that is a criticism and he will come to think of himself as bad and keep on acting ‘the bad boy’. Help him to change his behaviour by giving him suggestions and explanations. Attending a parenting course might be helpful to give you a set of principles that you can use in the situations you encounter with your son. Your health visitor will be able to advise you about courses in your area.

health visitor