My son has just started hitting people round the face, when I say no or his dad says no, we are quite firm with him, he just laughs and does it again, he even hits us, but we can’t seem to get him to understand its wrong and it hurts and he just carries on doing it. Can you give me any advice on how I can tackle him with this? I don’t have any steps to sit him on as I’m in a one bedroom flat, and also I have tried time out with him, putting him in the bedroom on his own, and it doesn’t bother him, he likes it, so I don’t know what to do next to get him to understand he can’t do that.

A Thank you for your question. First of all I want to reassure you that your child’s behaviour is normal for his age. There are several reasons why children hit and I will list them because it is important to understand why your child is hitting you before you can find the appropriate method of dealing with it:

• Attention seeking and testing the boundaries –he will be trying to find out what will be tolerated and also it’s a way of getting your attention. Young children want their parent’s attention so badly that they will do anything to get it and if they get attention by hitting they will continue to do it.
• Frustration and anger – You may stop him from doing something or he wants something but is not given it. This will trigger anger and the feeling of lack of control over his life. He is unable to communicate that feeling so he will act out his feelings by hitting you or his Dad or anyone who tries to control him
• Stress – Could be changes in the home, going to nursery, missing your attention because you are too busy lately.
• Hunger or tiredness
  The next step is to decide what triggers the behaviour and make some changes. The following are some suggestions that may work for you:
• When your child hits you, get down to his level, look him in the eyes and say “Hitting Mummy/Daddy is not allowed because it hurts and Mummy does not like it”
• Acknowledge your child’s feelings by saying “I understand that you are upset because I won’t let you…. Because it is not safe or could hurt you”
• Try distraction if you are aware that a hitting episode is about to happen
• Understand the triggers and think of ways to avoid them
• Time out does not have to be on a step or a chair. It can be done by getting the child to face the wall for a minute to calm down. It should only be for 1 minute per year.
• It is usually not a good idea to put children in their cots for punishment because that may disrupt the night time routine.
• Try noticing when your child is behaving well and praising him for his good behaviour and try to ignore the bad behaviour. I know that this is hard to do but it is very effective.
• If you want him to stop doing something instead of stopping the activity suddenly give him a warning a few minutes before you want him to do something else and then count to ten.
• Choices also work, given him a choice of two things e, g. His red beaker or his green beaker.
• Be a good role model and never hit out at any member of your family yourself and when he hits you do not hit back
• Books for children about anger can be helpful
  

Remember that it is just a stage and he will grow out of it Good luck

Health Visitor