Very few parents are prepared for the intensity of grief which follows termination for abnormality. This experience can be just as distressing as the death of a live baby. The feelings of loss and emptiness are so intense that the parents may even feel mentally unstable as they struggle to cope with their loss.

Parents are mourning not 1, but 3 losses:

1. The healthy baby (the normal baby that was expected).
2. The sick baby (the baby with the abnormality).
3. The self identity (the picture that parents have of themselves).

• Numbness, shock, disbelief – being unable to take in what has happened.
• Yearning or pining for the lost baby and frequent crying.
• Hallucinations, nightmares, searching for memories of the lost baby.
• Anger and irritability. Blame may be directed at God, the hospital, the family, the parents themselves.
• Helplessness – parents are unable to protect the baby from harm and they too feel like victims.
• Jealousy over other parents with healthy pregnancies.
• Relief that a decision has been made and the outcome is final.
• Confusion – Why has this happened to me? What went wrong? Will it happen again? Did I make the right decision?
• Longing for another baby to fill the emptiness.
• Loss of concentration and unable to think clearly.
• Loss of identity:
  
  1. As though part of the self is missing.
  2. Feeling a completely different person with different values and beliefs.
  3. Feeling inadequate with a loss of femininity/masculinity.
• Guilt and shame for allowing the termination or for not taking better care.
• Panic and anxiety:
  
  1. Fear of being labelled as weak or uncaring.
  2. Fear of sexual intimacy as this is associated with the loss.
  3. Fear of another affected pregnancy.
  4. Expectation of retribution.
• Despair – life has lost all meaning and nothing else seems important. Lack of interest in other children/relationships/work.
• Sense of isolation – lack of emotional support and no source of comfort.