Do you sometimes find it hard to play with your child and find it difficult to get to your child’s level of play?

Do you sometimes feel bored playing or have you felt rejected when that good idea of yours has turned out to be a disaster and your child has decided to mess it up and only wants to play with you for a few minutes?

If you do you are not alone. Many of us have felt like that. I used to also feel upset when my son would lose some of the things I bought for him and because of that we could not play the game properly. When we feel like this playtime is not fun and we feel punished instead. Here are some things you can do so that you and your child have a better chance of a fun time together.

• Try a more child-centered approach. Giving attention for good behaviour using a technique from the Parent-Child Game called ‘attends’. This is where you describe what the child is doing minute-by-minute. (We do this to babies but we stop doing it when they get older.) This strongly encourages the child to carry on with whatever activity they are involved in and it works well with children who lose interest easily
• If your child asks a question, for example ‘where does this go’, repeat the words ‘where does it go, let me see or let me think’, rather than rushing in with a solution straight away
• Allow your child to choose the game or the toy for both of you to play with.
• Let your child lead the play. Cut down on commands, teaching criticism, questions and saying ‘no’
• Remember that playtime is for the child where we help them to experience interesting and enjoyable activities. It is not for us to show off our skills in colouring in between the lines and making the Lego car!
• Try it and see what happens and enjoy yourselves.
• Don’t forget to ignore minor naughtiness.

Frances Byatt-Smith RN RHV BA (Hons) Psychology.

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