Most children are physically and psychologically ready for toilet training between two and three years but readiness for other children can be between eighteen months to four years. However toilet training is a skill that takes time to learn and will not happen automatically. The best plan is to first decide if you are ready to spend the time needed to toilet train your toddler.

When you are ready decide if this is the right time for your child for example is there a new baby about, has he started at a nursery, have you just gone back to work or has there been a major event in the family such as a bereavement etc?

If the time is right for both of you be guided by your child and watch out for the cues for readiness to move from one step to the next. Patience, love and the understanding that there will be accidents are crucial factors towards a positive outcome.

When your child is ready you may notice the following:

• Your child has a dry nappy most mornings and is telling you when the nappy is wet or soiled and asks for a nappy change
• Has regular and predictable bowel movements
• Is willing to sit on the potty regularly
• Is able to dress and undress
• Understands the concept of dry and wet pants and using the potty
• Understands and follows simple instructions
• Wants to do things for him/herself
• Shows an interest in what goes on inside the body and asks lots of questions about poo and pee

The above points are just a guide, you know your child best and if you feel that your child is not ready it is best not to proceed and try again later. Once you have decided that your child is ready having a plan helps.

The following suggestions may help:

• Try to involve your child by talking about the benefits of toilet training and take him/her to choose a potty
• Some children prefer to use the toilet so you might want to purchase an appropriate toilet seat but try to involve the child in the purchase.
• Sometimes it is a good idea to have both if finances allow because that way you can give the child a choice by asking “do you want to sit on your potty or your toilet seat. Children love to be involved and feel respected if they have some choice in the matter, but it must be a limited choice (sitting on the toilet seat or potty has the same outcome and allows for flexibility in a limited way)
• At the start of toilet training it is important to consider your child’s development, e.g. Ask yourself is your child is able to pull their pants up and down by themselves and if so what garments are the best garments for them to wear so that they can manage this by themselves easily and you can remove them easily if the need arises while you are concentrating on toilet training
• Keep calm; it is not the end of the world if he/she does not perform in the same as his/her peers. Expect accidents and carry a change of clothes ‘just in case’ and remember the points above about readiness are just a guide and if things do not work out according to plan you can always stop and start again in a few months. If you do this spend time encouraging your child to accept the next change in his/her life by talking about it and using books for explanations and have a fun time together. In other words try to reduce the stress and keep it to a minimum
• Use lots of positive reinforcement during the process
• This is not the time to remove favourite toys that pacify the child
• Reflect on your expectations
• Establish good wiping and washing hygiene behaviours
• Night time training can take longer so be patient and tolerant

This can be a frustrating time for parents but encouragement, love and patience are the key to success and remember you can always start again tomorrow

Frances Byatt-Smith RN RHV BA Psychology

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