Many young children are anxious in unfamiliar situations but grow out of it as they mature. The shy child will hide behind their parent if they feel they are the centre of attention in a new situation and particularly when they meet someone new.

They may take longer to play with other children in new situations for example when they first attend nursery or when visiting other family members who have children the same age but they do not know well.

They will be reluctant to join in and just watch from the sidelines. For those children who are extremely shy opportunities to develop and practice social skills are reduced and they also miss out on many fun activities with other children. Because of this they may be less confident and have a reduced self-esteem.

Many Psychologists believe that the possible cause for shyness is a combination of factors which include genetics and personality. Other suggested causes are learned behaviour from perhaps a shy or overprotective parent, being bullied by siblings or fear of failure.

Parents can feel frustrated by the child’s behaviour and don’t know what they can do but Parents are the most influential people in their children’s lives and there are several things a parent can do to help, but will also depend on the individual child. The following suggestions may help:

• It is important not to label your child as shy because there is a tendency to live up to the labels we are given by others
• Try to prevent other people labeling your child as shy either
• When your child is displaying shy behaviour be supportive and understanding instead of trying to cajole them out of it
• Tell them about times when you have felt shy and what helped you to overcome it. Telling them about your experiences helps them to feel better and helps to reduce their anxiety
• Try to be outgoing and confident. Children learn from their parentsbehaviour and model that behaviour
• Work out coping strategies with your child and practice them by role playing situations, but make them interesting and fun
• Discuss situations with your child as if you are talking to yourself – saying where you are going, what you are going to do, what it will possibly be like when you get there and how you will behave. Invite the child with you and have a chat about how it went when you come home
• Praise your child for small improvements in handling unfamiliar situations (saying hello or smiling at another child)
• Notice the things your child does well and encourage them with praise and support

Frances Byatt-Smith RN RHV BA Psychology

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